Conflict is To Be Expected

(Image from 12-phrases-that-will-help-you-resolve-any-conflict)

I have been wondering lately why I feel surprised and disappointed when (not if) conflict arises in a friendship, relationship, or group I am in.

In fact conflict is the most natural thing in the world when there is more than one person in the picture.

Even when I alone, there can be conflict within myself, of course. 

I have been wondering today what life would look like if as children were brought up, they learned not only how completely unremarkable conflict is but were equipped with the skills for healthy resolution?

Skillful speech: Buddhism talks about skillful speech which is a great beginning - practising not lying, slandering, gossiping, or speaking profanely or harshly. It is chastening to realize what harm can be done even saying things in someone's absence that seem benign, and how 'teasing' is often much less innocuous than one thinks.

"What remains are words that are truthful, kind, gentle, useful, and meaningful. Our speech will comfort, uplift, and inspire, and we will be a joy to those around us." (Allan Lokos)

Fully present listening: Even more, listening in healing silence, compassionately, without rushing to add anything. How different it is to listen when one is not busy preparing an answer!

I'm sorry. How can I make amends?: In spite of all the best intentions, sometimes I will totally blow it and the result is conflict. Often the first line of defense is the total absence of defensiveness. Yes, I made a mistake. I am sorry. What can I do to make it up to you? Some mistakes are relatively easily fixed; others take much time and effort. But leading with a recognition of where I went wrong and what I can do to attempt to make it right is often the most effective way to defuse a situation.

Embrace conflict. Don't pretend nothing is wrong: this article  is about work conflict but just as applicable in other spheres. Closing my eyes and believing it will just go away on its own is a futile wish. We will have to talk it out and try to work on a resolution together. Sometimes help is needed, either a trained therapist in a couple's conflict situation or a mediator for a group conflict. Recognizing when one doesn't have the resources to resolve it alone and needs help is the skillful path.


I'm sure many of my friends know of a ton of other effective strategies for conflict resolution. I don't have the answers. Just sitting in awareness of the question: when do I believe conflict is surprising or a sign that people are wrong?

Delegation today on Both Climate and Equity Lens

Good afternoon!

We have a really impressive list of speakers today, as always on these occasions so I do not wish to reiterate details of what they say much more eloquently. 

I am here to remind of Hamilton's Climate Emergency. It is only a few weeks away from being a year now since it was called in March 2019. 

At the same time, Hamilton's council has committed to using an equity lens as it makes its decisions. 

I believe both an equity and a climate lens are necessary. One is not more or less important than the other. Both are crucial at a time when the decisions made worldwide will decide whether or not global warming will exceed the level where there will no longer be human and animal life on earth. 

Both are crucial because climate change hurts the less privileged more immediately and harshly than the privileged. When it gets extremely hot 40, 50, or 60 days a year, will we have all the cooling stations necessary in place so that people do not die in the streets of the heat? Will landlords be required to install proper cooling in apartments, which will be as necessary for basic quality of life as proper heating in the winter? Will all sidewalks be cleared by the city in harsh winter weeks or will those with mobility issues be forced to remain housebound or risk their health by using unsafe sidewalks? Will everyone have access to shelter if they need it or will the homeless simply be the sacrifice to the changing climate?

We always have choices at every level of government. We can choose as if nothing matters but money and industry, the concerns of the privileged. Or we can choose in a way that makes it clear we are truly prioritizing tackling the climate emergency and in every way possible addressing the countless inequities faced by Hamiltonians every day. 

I hope we choose the latter. In the words of Kai Cheng Thom, the title of her book: "I hope we choose love."

Thank you for your time. 

Why languages are important - including 'minority' ones

Just read this excellent article
from Nation Cymru ostensibly about why it is not funny to joke about the Welsh language, but really about the value of Welsh and by extension other endangered languages all over the world.

I am not a professional linguist, but I have had a chance to indulge in my love of languages since my elementary school days. Over the years, I have become fluent in French and have also studied Spanish, Koine Greek, German, Latin, Yiddish, Italian, Russian, and Hebrew (listed in the approximate order of relative knowledge with Hebrew being the language I feel I know least about).

What I have come to appreciate in my limited experience of languages is the richness of expressiveness each one has in unique ways. Singers know for example the delight of singing in Spanish, Italian, or Latin for the beauty of the syllables of these languages as well as Spanish and Italian being 'languages of love and passion', as it were. Singing the Rachmaninoff All Night Vigil in Old Slavonic (an older form of  modern Russian) conveys the depth of religious feeling specific to the Russian Orthodox Church in a way that English cannot do.

As someone who grew up in Quebec fluent in French and English, I was well aware that there were some things you could say lot more easily in French than in English, or in English than French. We would switch back and forth readily from sentence to sentence or even within a sentence use an English or French word to convey something specific that language did better. I am sure anyone fluent in multiple languages has experienced this.

There is also the point made within the article linked above that every  language one acquires opens up conversation with speakers of that language in a way that cannot be defined, only experienced and felt.

Languages are treasures. The more one knows, and the more one knows of each language in vocabulary and breadth, the richer one is in being able to communicate as well as touch the regionalized and deeply human experiences that went into shaping that language.

Ubuntu: I Am, Because We Are

Image from https://otrazhenie.wordpress.com/tag/togetherness/

This morning, I read this Guardian article about the need to leave self-care in the 2010s in favour of communal care. Brigid Delaney, an Australian columnist, says: 

Wouldn’t it be great if this decade we took the self out of self-care and strived instead for communal care?

Self-care is saying “I need to look after me”, while collective self-care is saying “we need to look after each other” (in the words of Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius: “What is not good for the swarm is not good for the bee.”)

Collective care exists outside the market and can’t be captured by capitalism, turned into a product that we buy back and, by definition of its price, excludes many from participating in it.

The fact that it’s collective, means it’s for everyone.

This made me think of the concept of Ubuntu. The story goes: 

'An anthropologist suggested the following game to a group of children in a tribe in Africa: He placed a basket full of fresh fruits under a tree. He then said that whoever reached the basket first in a race would be the winner of all the fruits.

As he gave the signal to begin the race, the whole group held hands, ran bonded together and then sat and enjoyed the prize together.

When he asked why they had done such thing, when he had offered the possibility to one to be the ultimate winner.

They replied: ” UBUNTU”– how could one of us be happy (feel happiness) while the rest are in despair, unhappy?

UBUNTU in the Xhosa culture means: “I am, because we are.”

Looking around just now, I found this excellent TED blog about Ubuntu.

It includes among other things takes on the concept from Tutu and Mandela, information about the free operating system, and a fascinating article by South African activist Alex Lenferna on 'how thinking about our collective humanity could help form a united front of environmentalism'.

'Many have interpreted uBuntu as a narrow ethic confined to the limits of one’s own tribe, regional community or nation, but for Madiba (Mandela) the scope of Ubuntu expanded to all of humanity, to the community made up of each and every one of us. One could call this Madiba’s Cosmopolitan Ubuntu, and for Madiba it was tied to the recognition that every human being is inherently valuable and has a right to dignity and a decent life.1 Contrary to a strong individualism which permeates the Western world, the ethic of Ubuntu, when combined with Mandela’s cosmopolitan valuing of all humanity, would allow us to see that the enrichment or development of one individual, one community or one nation is not truly enrichment if it is achieved at the expense of other individuals, other communities, other nations or future generations...

'Underlying Ubuntu for Mandela was the belief that each person had a common ‘core of decency’, within which lay the potential to achieve the principles of Ubuntu. However, convincing Shell and BP to live according to the principles of Ubuntu, might be harder than teaching a lion to become vegetarian...

'... like poverty for Mandela, climate change and its detrimental effects are a manmade problem and not a question of charity, rather a matter of justice, especially for the global poor and future generations for whom addressing climate change is about the protection of fundamental human rights, such as the right to dignity and a decent life, and often even the right to life itself. Given the interconnections between climate change and poverty, Mandela’s call to end poverty, his call to justice, rings out just as loudly now as it did then. The challenge of climate change makes his call even sharper, even more urgent, and even more fundamentally a matter of justice. If we are to truly tackle climate change, we must hold ourselves, our nations, institutions, and companies, like Shell and BP, accountable to the demands of justice...

'... overcoming Apartheid often seemed impossible, especially when seen through the perspective of limited social imaginaries that focused on limiting perspectives such as ‘real politik’ and selfishindividualism. However, through visions of greatness inspired by leaders such as Mandela, the seemingly impossible was brought into the realm of the possible. Likewise, in order to rise up to the immensity of the challenge of climate change we need to overcome the narrow and limited social imaginaries that dominate much of our discourse. We need to overcome ideas and policies that limit what is possible and shackle us to a future defined by climate chaos and the damages and destruction associated with it. We need to continue to break down the hegemonic discourse that tells us that we can’t create a better world and replace it with a vision of positive possibilities defined by fairness, equality, and a decent life for all both now and in the future. Of course, this is no easy task and will require great effort on our behalf, but as Mandela pointed out in his call to end poverty: “Sometimes it falls upon a generation to be great. You can be that great generation”. “Let your greatness blossom. Of course the task will not be easy. But not to do this would be a crime against humanity, against which I ask all humanity now to rise up”.'

Wiping the Slate Clean in 2022

(Image from here)

Many Hamiltonians are completely fed up with the current City Council.
I was invited to a rally today for a new council and people tried to crash the Mayor's Levee to call for him to resign. That didn't work. There were police and security preventing anyone who looked hostile from getting in or shadowing them closely if they asked to come in for a minute.

Sewergate secrecy is only one reason, though it is a reason that brought in more letters to the editor than any other issue in the history of the Spectator. The Red Hill report that was hidden, the IT scandal, and hate-related debacles have all taken their toll on public confidence, arguably at an all-time low.

We are all agreed that change must occur. But how is the big question.

As satisfying as it might feel to "throw all the bums out!", it is simply not going to happen.

We need to focus, in my opinion on preparing compassionate and compelling progressive candidates to win in the 2022 election, especially for the position of Mayor and for the Wards that have had incumbents who have been on Council for too long and have become far too complacent:

2, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15.

This will not be an easy task and will require a great deal of cooperation to pull it off.

The question is, can enough of us work together especially in the preparation years this year and next year to pull it off?

By January 2022, we must be ready with candidates who can actually unseat incumbents. That's a big ask.