A Year Of Saturdays, or Counter-Rallying against Hate

Many of you have some familiarity with Canada's-yellow-vest-movement.
You may know how different it is from the Gilets Jaunes in France.
Perhaps some of you have even rallied on Saturdays in front of Hamilton city hall, hopefully in support of love and diversity, but I am well aware that as one of the leaders of "Peace in the Hammer", I am one of the people that yellow vests watch online and in person, and talk about.

What you may not know is that yellow vests began rallying in front of city hall every Saturday beginning December 4, 2018.

That's right. It was a full year of Saturdays. And shortly after they started rallying, the counter rallies of people in Hamilton who believe in peace, love, acceptance, inclusion, and diversity (some of us have adopted the acronym PLAID - see facebook.com/PLAIDHamilton/ and it is also on Twitter) began.

By June, not many knew yet about these weekly rallies. Then Pride 2019  happened in Hamilton on June 15. This is one of many reports about that awful day. I missed it because that was the day the Save the Wesley Day Centre effort kicked off, but I heard all about it, like the rest of Hamilton. 

Most of us did not know this then but police would later arrest two yellow vests for violence near city hall the week before, June 8.

It was not the first arrest connected to the protests. The earliest report I can find online was from a year ago, January 27, 2019. Apparently it was not possible to ascertain "which side" the arrestee was on. This kind of "both sides" verbiage was to plague us as people simply taking time from our lives to stand up for vulnerable people from other countries who were being intimidated by yellow vests. 

While council began looking at means to stop hate groups from parking themselves outside city hall every Saturday as early as June 2019, the rallies went on. And on. Reported on in local news here in June, here in July, and here in August (the infamous 'bus incident').

By September, it was old news. Counter-protesters were fewer; councillors and the Mayor were not making appearances any more for the most part (with significant exceptions from time to time); and the media seemed tired of reporting on it.

But the counter protests went on and the weather grew colder. And one of the protests was not at city hall but at Mohawk College where Maxime Bernier was speaking. This was a typical media misrepresentation of that day.

Let me tell you what really happened. I was in one of the first groups to arrive for the counter protest. There were already well over a dozen yellow vests, Sons of Odin, and Proud Boys waiting for us. They began taunting and cat-calling us as soon as they saw us. I was with the Love in the Hammer Choir as usual , and so we began to sing our songs about love and acceptance, while the haters jeered and criticized our singing, feeling safe and cocky behind a human shield of police lined up to keep the two groups of ralliers separate.

As more people came up, some joined our singing. Most just stood in a supportive group, neither hindering nor speaking to those who chose to go in to hear Maxime speak. There was an altercation that happened too fast for most of us to see and the first arrest of the day happened as Maximiliano Herrera, who had walked to the protest in my group and had been laughing and joking with us only a short time before, was hauled into police custody in great distress and taken away.

It felt surreal. We were standing there singing, the hater 'security' aka bully boys were standing behind the police shouting and jeering, trying to create a reaction from us, and then Maxime Bernier himself came up. Again, everything happened very quickly with pushing and shoving and shouting, Councillor John-Paul Danko was nearly trampled while trying to protect one of his constituents whose sign was destroyed in the fracas, and then Bernier was inside and we were all trying to regain our composure.

At the same time as the great majority were peacefully protesting, a determined group of anti-fascists were trying to impede people from going in and were chanting slogans at them. One of them, of course, became notorious as the person who allegedly tried to stop an elderly lady from going inside. But the narrative that quickly escalated ignored many facts about the situation including those detailed here.

It was no surprise to me that a 'viral video' became the sole narrative of the event. I saw from the moment I arrived that the haters all had cameras and video-cameras.

They were waiting for a chance to catch one of those of us who were standing up against hatred and intolerance on video doing something they could make viral.

And they got their wish. But we also achieved some key goals. I personally witnessed, because I was so close, the doubt on the face of the PPC candidate who afterward withdrew from the race, Chad Hudson..

My friends and I also learned a valuable lesson about how severely distorted media accounts can be, so that they barely resemble what actually happened. Some media accounts were more extensively researched and more compassionate, such as this one by Samantha Craggs.

But when one of our own was viciously attacked, pushed out into Main Street, and repeatedly kicked in the head in December (after a Year of Saturdays!), this was a report.

However, something good came of this horrific incident. One of the yellow vest ringleaders was banned from city hall, and since then, the yellow vests have not been back.

Dare we hope the Year of Saturdays is finally over?

No Time to Spare For Anger

(Image from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200807/what-your-anger-may-be-hiding )

Today I want to explore a Brain Pickings article on one of my favourite writers, Ursula K. Le Guin, writing about anger's dark side.

https://www.brainpickings.org/2017/12/05/ursula-k-le-guin-no-time-to-spare-anger/

'Philosopher Martha Nussbaum has argued that it is often “an alluring substitute for grieving,” granting us the illusion of agency in situations that bereave of us of control.

'Poet and philosopher David Whyte pulled on anger’s weft thread to reclaim it as “the deepest form of compassion.” But anger, like silence, is of many kinds and thunders across a vast landscape of contexts, most of its storms ruinous, and some, just maybe, redemptive.'

I have read Le Guin's thoughtful book No Time to Spare: Thinking About What Matters (public library) and enjoyed it very much. Her essay within it On Anger does begin with the positive and terraforming side of anger, using the concrete example of the feminist movement: 

"In the consciousness-raising days of the second wave of feminism, we made a big deal out of anger, the anger of women. We praised it and cultivated it as a virtue. We learned to boast of being angry, to swagger our rage, to play the Fury.

We were right to do so. We were telling women who believed they should patiently endure insults, injuries, and abuse that they had every reason to be angry. We were rousing people to feel and see injustice, the methodical mistreatment to which women were subjected, the almost universal disrespect of the human rights of women, and to resent and refuse it for themselves and for others. Indignation, forcibly expressed, is an appropriate response to injustice. Indignation draws strength from outrage, and outrage draws strength from rage. There is a time for anger, and that was such a time.

Anger is a useful, perhaps indispensable tool in motivating resistance to injustice. But I think it is a weapon — a tool useful only in combat and self-defense."

It is important to understand the nature of anger as a weapon and tool for combat and self-defense. There are countless battles out there still to be fought, for the planet, if we can still save it, for the right of  people to be housed reasonably and to have clean water to drink, and for many other causes.

And self-defense is necessary both for women and men.

But if it becomes a sort of daily bread, there are negative consequences especially to the one carrying the anger.

"Anger continued on past its usefulness becomes unjust, then dangerous. Nursed for its own sake, valued as an end in itself, it loses its goal. It fuels not positive activism but regression, obsession, vengeance, self-righteousness. Corrosive, it feeds off itself, destroying its host in the process."

Again, giving a concrete example which has become all-too painfully clear since the rise of 45:

"The racism, misogyny, and counter-rationality of the reactionary right in American politics for the last several years is a frightening exhibition of the destructive force of anger deliberately nourished by hate, encouraged to rule thought, invited to control behavior. I hope our republic survives this orgy of self-indulgent rage."

Canada is not a republic of course, or even something presenting as such, but I hope we survive as well.

"Considered a virtue, given free expression at all times, as we wanted women’s anger against injustice to be, what would it do? Certainly an outburst of anger can cleanse the soul and clear the air. But anger nursed and nourished begins to act like anger suppressed: it begins to poison the air with vengefulness, spitefulness, distrust, breeding grudge and resentment, brooding endlessly over the causes of the grudge, the righteousness of the resentment. A brief, open expression of anger in the right moment, aimed at its true target, is effective — anger is a good weapon. But a weapon is appropriate to, justified only by, a situation of danger."

As much as anger can poison the heart and mind of an individual when carried on a continuous basis, it seems that it does the same for a community, a city, or larger group. Hamiltonians have had many legitimate reasons to be extremely angry over the past years and decades. But the cumulative weight and effect of all that collective anger is fierce.

Historical beginnings of the Wesley Day Centre

As we continue to prepare to lose the Day Centre in a few short weeks, let's look back at its history. The story begins about 60 years ago when Wesley United Church, then a thriving congregation on the corner of Rebecca and John, saw the need for service of the homeless and others in deep poverty and began the outreach that would in time become Wesley Urban Ministries.

See full details here at Wesley's site.

The Day Centre opened its doors about 24 years ago, in 1996 and 20 years ago added to their housing services and other outreach arms an incredible 24 hour a day, 7 day a week unconditional shelter for people who needed a place to sleep, regardless of why.

Sadly, over the years, support for the Wesley Day Centre gradually dwindled and they were forced to cut back on services and hours again and again until they were down to being a 'Day Centre', open first during the days then mostly mornings, but still offering a significant suite of essential services for the homeless and those in dire need.

Fast forward to early 2018 when it was decided that the time had come to address the opioid crisis by incorporating an overdose prevention site (now renamed by the Conservative government as CTS, consumption treatment site) within its offering.

Sadly the by then estranged other branch of Wesley, Wesley Community Homes, was horrified at the idea, and informed the Day Centre that it as the landlord would not be renewing the lease of the Day Centre in April 2020.

For over a year the Day Centre struggled in extensive correspondence with city staff to get support to continue its mandate. By June 2019, the ED, Daljit Garry, felt that all that could be done had been done, and announced that the Wesley would be closing its doors.

This is where I came in. (To be continued...)

Yes, getting good sleep regularly is actually important

There are terrific things about having a really strong immune system. One of them is working in an environment with many children, a number of whom at any given time who will be coughing, sneezing, and blowing their noses, and rarely becoming ill. Even being married to an RN who is exposed every week to some of the worst germs Hamilton has on offer and still not going under.

However, from time to time, even such a superpower shows  its kryptonite. One must get enough sleep and rest daily and weekly or eventually it will catch up with one.

My life is full. Too full, some would say.

Full-time work at my Kumon centre
Grand Philharmonic Choir
Extinction Rebellion Hamilton
Health Advocacy
Anti-Hate activism
Running a NA franchise association
Facilitating two meditation groups
Dedication to regular time socially
Political activism

Among other things of course. People often ask me how I do it all. It is frequently at the expense of proper sleep and rest, continuously going from one task to another from early in the morning to sometime in the evening, sleeping early and waking up around 1 or so to put in a few more hours of emailing, editing documents, and planning.

So at the moment humbly admitting I will need more down time than usual today and on the weekend, possibly also next week, either to stave off being fully ill, or submitting to the inevitable at last.

The Death of #SaveTheWesleyDayCentre

On an as-yet-unannounced day next month, i.e. in February 2020, the Wesley Day Centre will close its doors for the final time.

"But, but!" you exclaim. "Didn't this chch.com/ article assert the Wesley Day Centre has found a new home? Indeed it did. 

"And back in July, did not Council approve funding to keep the Wesley Day Centre open until another site could be found, so that the wealth of services it offers could be housed in the same building as the new second CTS for Hamilton?" That is what we were told then.

Without any fanfare, this article quietly stated the Day Centre was not going to stay open until March 31, as we were originally told was its lease expiry date. Instead, 'the centre will close earlier than that to clean up the space and allow clients to transition to other services'. 

"We are working with the city on a contingency plan and we hope to announce details in December." (Andrea Buttars, manager of resource development for Wesley Urban Ministries)

That said, while 'Wesley Urban Ministries' plan has been to move the social-service agency's meal program to Vanier Towers, a CityHousing highrise complex at Hess and Jackson streets' (more about Vanier Towers in a separate blog to come), 'Michelle Baird, a director in the city's public health department, says the hope is the remaining services can still be offered elsewhere. "Ideally, from the point of view of the client, we would want those operating together. It makes sense." '

So, we're all good, right? 

Wrong.

On January 8, having heard nothing since the December ECS meeting wherein we were assured by Paul Johnson, GM of Healthy and Safe Communities for the City, that a site had been secured for the CTS and the Wesley Day Centre services, I wrote a long letter to the Emergency and Community Services Committee councillors and Paul Johnson asking for an update.

Paul wrote back very quickly with a lot of detail. While he could not yet tell me the location of the CTS site, he assured me we were only days aware from the City submitting its application to the province for the new CTS and making public the location of the site.

However, he added this: 'One point of clarification (although it could be the way I read your email)…we are not looking for a new site for Wesley Centre AND a CTS site. As our report last year indicated we funded the continuation of Wesley Centre through the winter until the end of their lease. We are also working with Wesley to determine which of the services currently at Wesley Centre would integrate well with our CTS. As we noted we do not see all of the services of Wesley Centre operating out of the CTS but some of the critical services related to housing, income security, additional health services through public health and the shelter health network will be integrated wherever possible.'

In other words, eating is not important. If you've never really been hungry, it doesn't seem that critical, does it? An afterthought after an afterthought. "I don't need to go to the grocery store. I have plenty of food at home."

Showers, especially for homeless and insecurely housed women? I can assure you they are not easily found in Hamilton. 

Free laundry services? Also very difficult to find.

Podiatrist? Believe me, proper foot care is essential for those who spend countless hours in the cold. This is not an optional extra.

What we advocates for the Day Centre have said over and over again is this:

The reason the Wesley Day Centre is a unique and necessary resource centre within Hamilton is that all of the services are hosted under one roof.

When you start cherry-picking and saying you are going to keep this service but not that, housing services but not a cafeteria, health clinic but not showers, addiction services but not laundry services, you are telling us that the Wesley Day Centre will die in February.

I will continue to blog daily in honour of the Wesley Day Centre, as there is much history to commemorate before its upcoming demise.

Watch this space. In the meantime please enjoy this song about another beloved place which closed elsewhere. Different place, different context, same feeling.

The Deep Dark Woods: Charlie's (Is Comin' Down)

Not Knowing

Have you ever not known what is happening in your life?

I mean, really not known?

I am someone who has always prided myself on knowing. Partly it's an ENFJ thing but partly a Nicole thing. I have been a recovering knower since I was in my teens and twenties and thought I knew everything.

Something funny is happening this week. My mind is just stopping. My mind doesn't stop. It just keeps talking all the time. Yep, even when I am supposed to be meditating, often, too, though of course there are blissful chunks of time it takes a rest and then the time seems to blur by quickly.

But I don't know right now. And usually that would fill me with panic because as a dear friend told me today that means the creature is in free fall. But it is exhilarating instead.

https://open.spotify.com/track/5tVA6TkbaAH9QMITTQRrNv?si=9Ns_e0LpThC5YFpEarpmew

(Song: Free Fallin' by Tom Petty
"Now I'm free, free fallin'..."

Just ignore the verses - it is that wide open space of the chorus that I love about this song.)

What is Non Duality and Why Does It Matter?

Image source: https://www.freedom.clinic/non-duality-not-two/

Often when I mention to friends or family members about my abiding interest in non duality, they ask, "What is it, anyway?"

Not an easy question to answer. This is certainly one where you don't want the Wikipedia version. For example, you might want to read Rupert Spira's introduction_to_non-duality Or it may be too opaque, and this interview within buddhist inquiry with David Loy could be helpful as a starting point - that it is about "not two".

Training in dualism begins for us very early. One can imagine a fetus in the womb has no sense of not two, and in the first weeks and months of life may not be perceiving divisions as much as later on. But soon the parents and other caregiver introduce the idea that the baby is a separate self from those around him or her, separate from things, entirely separate. And so the gradual development of what nondualists believe is the fiction of the separate self grows until the adult may be extremely skeptical that there is another valid way of perceiving the world.

Why it matters is that the vast majority of suffering we experience is as a result of living withing a framework of duality. Who doesn't long to end suffering? But as long as one believes one is a separate self, it is inevitable. If you look at the myth of the Garden and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, it could be interpreted as describing moving from an experience of non duality into duality, with all the suffering that accompanied that ejection from the Garden - separation from God, work involving toil and pain, childbirth being an experience of suffering, and suspicion and division between male and female, brother and brother, and so on.

What if our relationships were characterized by an absence of judgment, or attempting to "get" something out it the other? As Seal says in his song: Help me find someone peaceful and non-judgmental." Would that be "life without the pain"?

This week, my daughter shared with me a tweet that blew my mind. Funnily enough it was by someone I already follow on Twitter: 

The Hungover Pundit

@hungover_the

A friend once shared what she called the Parable of the Choir: A choir can sing a beautiful note impossibly long because singers can individually drop out to breathe as necessary and the note goes on. Social justice activism should be like that, she said. That's stuck with me.

Singing in choirs is a huge part of my life, so stagger breathing (which is what we call this technique) is very familiar. Also, since buying I-Hope-We-Choose-Love, trying to understand what it means for life is instinctive. And being an activist, struggling frequently with the demands of activism and the inevitable friction between activists at times takes up a lot of emotional space. 

This is what I want, so badly I can taste it. A world where not only in our activism but in all the spheres of life we know that we can drop out to breathe whenever we need to and come back in and the music just goes on and on regardless.

Where it is not a competition or a fight. Where within each couple, or family, or group, or country, or world, we take turns. No one has inexhaustible capacity. But it doesn't have to mean the defeat of our efforts when the energy is gone for one individual for a time.

So non duality matters because if I truly know, if you truly know separateness is the illusion, then conflict no longer makes any sense, and working together on everything including the #ClimateEmergency becomes the natural way forward.